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InsaneSpaceHunter

What da hell? - Reign In Review

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For those of you who've been bored enough to be up late for Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, you might've seen "Reign," some sort of detailed account of the life and times of Alexander the Great.

 

I don't remember Alexander being known for having a high body temperature (or the act of having a high body temperature meaning that you have more power), or for building a city shaped like a human body, but I let that pass and gave it a chance.

 

Now, I'm sorry I did. The plot it absolutely nonsensical at best and pointlessly ridiculous and unfathomably strange at worst, and it doesn't have any redeeming qualities to even make up for it. Pretty much what they did was take names of historical figures and places and made their own demented story without pants. Really. Alexander wears no pants. His armor covers his shins, his crotch, and the sides of his body and shoulders. If anyone should stab him in the chest, he'd be dead. It's more ridiculous than standard fantasy female chainmail bikinis--at least they PRETEND to protect vital areas.

 

I find the drawing style strangly sick and wrong--Lupin III is one thing, with its strangely long, thin arms and messed-up necks, but this is worse than friggin' Digimon. The proportions are right, but the characters' faces are so... sculpted... that you could fit a Mack truck into one of the crevasses on their faces. I've heard of facial definition and high cheekbones, but this is jsut ridiculous.

 

Adult Swim.com defines the show as the following:

In the ancient world of Macedonia, science and magic are one. And a single man controls them both. Reign is a science fiction retelling of the adventures of Alexander the Great, featuring character and concept designs by Peter Chung, the creator of Aeon Flux.

 

Never seen Aeon Flux, but maybe it involved a unique plot instead of a poorly retold one. Pythagoras has been randomly been thrust in as the leader of a magic-wielding cult out to get Alexander... he's a damn mathematician, not a cult leader. There's some fat king with dimples the size of the Grand Canyon and fat hanging off his neck that you could drive a car across that's king of Persia, and all of Alexander's cronies constantly marvel at Alexander's magical ability to overcome whatever the fuck the Pythagorean cultist magic men are trying to to do him.

 

In the first episode, you see, they trapped him in a green crystal like a Chaos Emerald from Sonic, then tried to stab him through it. It went fine until the knife stopped and the crystal blew up, killing one of them with its shards. They all marveled, saying "He can't do that!" when he obviously just did.

 

In a later episode, he talked to some famous thinker whose name I seem to remember as actually being a person in history, whom he asked to build him a city "shaped like the human body." Which, evidently, has a universe in it. What this has to do with ANYTHING, I don't know.

 

Oh, yeah, the 'science and magic are one' bit from their description--I have yet to see anything even vaguely resembling science. There's some things that LOOK like robots that are really strange-looking suits of armor, the famous Theban army from which Alexander learned so much in real life, but they didn't fight like Thebans or even act like them. And Alexander's army just offed them, like lambs to the slaughter. It seemed much more like Alexander rode them down himself with his three cronies, all on horses, but I think that an army was supposedly involved.

 

The fight scenes are also bullshit; it's more like DBZ with swords than anything else. They clash swords, push off of each other, and Alexander whacks them. That's about it.

 

All in all, it's really just a strange, dumb show, and this is more of a ranting session than a review of any sort, but whatever floats my boat. :P

 

Anyone else have anything to say on this ridiculous historical inaccuracy pulled off in one of the worst fashions I've ever seen?

 

Have a nice day!

The Insane Space Hunter

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Aw, man! I actually forgot to bitch about the animation style! Oh, well...

 

Anyway, Lupin III has a... "unique" animation style, what with its huge breasts and arms akin to those of thin people who haven't eaten in a week... but at least they don't look like bad clay sculptures that someone left out under the sun too long during a sandstorm. Whose lips swelled up to epic proportions.

 

At least the women look somewhat passably like standard anime guys... I think whoever did the concept art is a little confused. In many ways.

 

There was also a little thing I noticed that really stood out in the pseudo-historical nonsense that is Reign--gone are Alexander's saving graces. Gone ishis godhood in Egypt and his mighty ripoff of the Theban phalanx... now he and his generals ride down robot armies on horseback ala Samurai Jack. The fight scenes suck worse than those in G Gundam between Domon and Master Asia, where they do nothing but swing their arms in the air and punch each others fists. DBZ has more interesting (and at least easier-to-follow) plot developments.

 

It's a machination of antihistorical stupidity with stereotypical "bad anime" overtones and a ridiculous backstory to boot. It has no redeeming qualities, unless guys in metal bikinis wielding swords and fighting Pythagoras (who I can just imagine hucking right-triangle protractors at Alexander the "Great" like throwing knives) is your thing. And if it is, then more power to you... but they didn't need to replace MY Inuyasha with this drivel for the sakes of the four people out there that want to see this poor excuse for a pseudo-historical anime.

 

***end rant***

 

Have a nice day!

The Insane Space Hunter

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Heh. So far I've been watching it just to see how absurd the story goes...then in typical CN fashion, they restart the entire series at the begining.

 

So far, I liked Aeon Flux better which is not saying a lot because the Aeon Flux series sucked.

 

I do dig the soundtrack though, which is about the ONLY reason to watch the show. I especially like the opening theme "A Kingdom Worthy of Your Soul" or whatever it's called.

 

It has no redeeming qualities, unless guys in metal bikinis wielding swords and fighting Pythagoras (who I can just imagine hucking right-triangle protractors at Alexander the "Great" like throwing knives) is your thing.

 

Which if I'm not mistaken the Pythagorians HAVE used right-triangle knife thingys.

 

Oh and being the only one of us whose probably WATCHED Aeon Flux...it's the same there with the clothes. Even when FULLY dressed EVERYONE has a huge cod-piece. Although Aeon is hardly FULLY clothed...leather thong and bra and a leather jacket.

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BTW, last tiem I checked Inu Yasha is still on, but at midnight insted of 11:00. Sure, a shittier time slot, but not completely gone :P

 

On the subject of metal bikini's, you have to pull it off right. And none of the horrible man beasts have the hips for their wierd ass thongs. Freaks. Disturbing was when fat ghost playdo appeared to some dude (can't remember his name) without pants. What the fuck is that?

 

So eh. Eh. EH!

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Yeah, Outey, they *have* used right triangle knife thingies. Blech. Even though it was amusing, blech.

 

If Aeon Flux is, as you say, much like this, I suppose I'll skip it... I've endured enough of this. Chiseled faces like unto these belong on Easter Island, dammit!

 

Have a nice day!

The Insane Space Hunter

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