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InsaneSpaceHunter

Joke Tyme With Mr. ISH - Episode I: Other Episodes Precede

Joke Tyme With Mr. ISH - Episode I: Other Episodes Precede  

  1. 1. Joke Tyme With Mr. ISH - Episode I: Other Episodes Precede

    • I fell asleep in the first line. (These are not funny jokes.)
    • Milk came out my nose. (These are funny jokes.)
      0
    • I wet my pants. (These are REALLY funny jokes... or I have lousy bladder control.)
      0
    • The joke doesn't work if you have to explain it. (Whazza-huzza-whaaaaa?!)
      0
    • I'm glad ISH has so much time on his hands to make a silly jokes thread into a pool just to goof around with a previously unused iKonboard feature.
    • I like pie.
    • ...
      0
    • SIMBEN IS A DORK!


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Too bad I'm bad at numbers, or I'd remember which episode this is supposed to be. Sure, it was actually started on another board, but it's kind of a running gag that fell down a couple of times and I'm a little sensitive about it, okay?!

 

:)

 

Jokes time.

 


 

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

 

On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant staff, The pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and I'll be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

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"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

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After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

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From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, And pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

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"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend From the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

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"The weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

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"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

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And from the pilot during his welcome message:

"Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

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On Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City, the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what ya'll are thinking. You're thinking that I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault ... it was the asphalt!"

--------------------------------------------------------------

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

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An airline pilot had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required him to stand at the door, smile, and give the passengers a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline," while they exited. In light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

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After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

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Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:

"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

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Well, gee, I'm real glad that it told me such pertinent information about polls like the following:

 

-Polls appear before the post that you would probably use to describe them.

-HTML doesn't work in polls.

-The borders on the table don't appear until after a vote has been cast, so it looks like ISH went overboard with the number of words overloaded the buffer and some annoying table-cell-stacking will occur and everyone will have problems reading the results.

 

Oh, well. Another feature tried, another thing I won't use for the general... use... of using... used jokes. Righto.

 

Nice day. Have one.

NEXT!

The Insane Space Hunter

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Guest sailorberylium   
Guest sailorberylium

<:) (this seem edaproprait sice i look like an elf :P

you really do have a lot of time on your hands though dont you?

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<:P (this seem edaproprait sice i look like an elf :P

you really do have a lot of time on your hands though dont you?

Hmm. I need to change the keystroke for the Link emoticon.

 

It's now =link= [replace = with :]

 

:)

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you really do have a lot of time on your hands though dont you?

Oh, golly gosh yes. I'm at school for approximately 12 hours every Thursday, and about six or seven hours on Tuesdays. And I'm only taking two classes. :)

 

Yeah, I should really have finished Padded Rooms by now. Problems with that are that I'm lazy and that I've started it twice and had to scrap it both tiimes because it didn't work. *shrugs*

 

Have a nice day!

The Insane Space Hunter

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