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SuperSephiroth

The Misadventures of Me - You thought I was gonna say 'Tron

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I had no clue where to put this stuff, so I decided to put it here. This will contain my many stories I have about some of the crazy stuff I have seen and done. I herby swear all of this is completely true.

 

 

 

This first one actually happened today. When I was walking home from work (because I'm too cheap to take the bus) this car full of hot college women drove by. I'm thinking to myself, "Hey, I want to get a better look", and luck just seemed to be with me at that moment because they decided to come back and flash me. Of course I didn't know this at the time because they had turned the corner. So here I am just walking down the street when I hear this "WHOOOOOOO!!" coming from behind me. Naturally I turned to see what it was and there they were 4 great melons attached to 2 hot college chicks and I will vouch that they threw their shirts at me. Right then and there I was pretty sastisfied but then things just got better.

 

They drove no more then 5 feet away from me their car stalled. Yes, that's right, stalled right next to a bus stop. I think very very quickly and come up with a plan. I slowly walked over to the bus stop and sat on the bench. Since they were so stupid to throw their shirts they had to sit there topless. I sat there for about a good 5 min before realizing my pants were starting to do that tent thing. After about 20 min of sitting there and just fantasizing the bus came and passed me. Now the girls were on to my plot so I just got up and walked away. And that's my lovely tale for today.

 

 

 

Edited By DamnGlitch on 1058049078

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--<span style='font-size:12pt;line-height:100%'>Closing Time</span>--

 

I work long and hard at McDonalds.

 

Yeah McDonalds. Shut up.

 

Anyways, for the first time last week I got to close, and oh what fun it was. Like I said, I was lucky number 1 to close. The mischief started around 11 o'clock when we started to close. Let it be known that part of closing requires stocking for the next day. So one of my dumbass employees decided to start an egg fight. Luckily, the manager was outside having a smoke. The dumbass who started the fight decides it would be fun to toss an egg at me. Since the drive through was still open I had to work on the grill still. So after the egg hit me I decided to throw one of my hot frisbee flimsy hamburger meat patties at him fresh off the grill. Triumphantly I hit him in the face with grease dripping down. Now he got really pissed at me and decided to throw another egg. Well I decided not to get hit and it hit another person in the face.

 

After about 5 minutes, everyone was tossing eggs except for me. So after their great moment of bonding the manager walks in and hears laughter. Rushing to the back to find out what going on (mind you laughter isn't allowed in the work place) he starts screaming at us, stuff like "Who did this?!". The manager the turns to me and in a bit like time slowed down, a "CRACK!" sounded for, like, 5 seconds.

 

Yes, that's right, somebody hit the manager in the back of the head with an egg. Spinning around with his eyes as red as the sun he charged the dumbass who shot the egg and starts wailing on him. All the rest of us quickly went back to work (we feared for our asses then) about 5 minutes later he came back out and said everyone could punch out. Cheering we all obeyed and that last dumbass, black eyed and all, did all the closing. However on a sad note he quit the following day.

 

 

 

Edited By DamnGlitch on 1058049889

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--<span style='font-size:12pt;line-height:100%'>Attack of The Crazy Crackhead With A Knife (Part I)</span>--

 

Even after this little experience, I still walk home. I would also like to note that I've taken up a little mannerism called "Auroning", where, basically, you put your arm in a little sling like Auron from Final Fantasy X.

 

To get home from work, to save time I cut across this park. Actually, It's a fairly big park, so going around would take allot of time, ya know? Now, generally, I walk past the "good" side of the park. This, of course, means there is a "bad" side of the park. This is where the crackheads and other drugies live. But as I was walking past the park one day, I got stopped by this kid, probably between 13 or 15. Mind you, I'm 18. This kid decided he wants to rob me for some crack or some other drug, so he pulls a knife on me and demands that I give him my money. He notices that I look like my left arm is injured (from the Auroning), so he thinks I'm easy pickings. Knowing that I only have somewhere around 2 dollars in my pocket I push him to the side and continue to walk past. The kid gets up and holds the knife to me and again demands money...again. At this point I knew he wouldn't use the knife because a real crackhead would have stabbed me and looted me. And again I push him down and continue walking. This time he got up and said, "If you do that again I'll stab you". At this point I was rather irritated. So I decided to show him that my left arm really wasn't helpless. Doing the cool bit from FFX, I stuck me left arm in the air, dramatically showing that I am not, as he thought, a one armed man. Stunned, that kid backs off a step or two. Following that, I proceeded to rough him up a bit, and then continued on my way as if nothing had happened.

 

 

 

Edited By DamnGlitch on 1058050731

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--<span style='font-size:12pt;line-height:100%'>The Stupid Kid and The Horrifyingly Horrible Grill</span>--

 

This is another of the Misadventures gleaned from my stay at McDonald's. For some reason or another, one of the managers decided to show his kid where he works ("At a McDonald's?! Why?!" ~Ed.) It was around 9 o'clock, so just about nobody was in the dining area . This is when the manager started to show his kid around, only to leave him standing around a little while later to do some paper work or whatever, leaving the kid to do whatever.

 

Of course, the little brat decided to see what I'm doing, which is working the grill. The kid was watching me for about five minutes ("What's so interesting about the grill?? ~Ed.) when my break came up. This time of night, there's this little 'Deadzone', where customers don't really come for about 30 minutes. So the kid decides to play with the grill, hitting the up and down buttons, messing with shit he probably shouldn't. He get's it into his mind that it might be fun to see if he can crush his hand, pushing the buttons to make the grill move up and down and pulling his hand out so it doesn't get caught ("Sounds like fun!" ~Ed.). So, I'm sitting there ,eating some food, keeping an eye on the brat when I look out the window for a second.

 

Then came the delightful sound of the little moron's blood curdling scream. I'm thinking, "Huh, he just burned himself and now he'll know not to play with it"

 

Well, I was sadly mistaken. After about 20 seconds of screaming I get up to see what the hell is going on (like suddenly I'm in charge of him...). The kid managed to get his hand stuck on the grill and it was being cooked. The grill wouldn't raise because it hadn't gone all the way down, and it would start "cooking" because it wasn't all the way down.

 

Obviously, we had a problem here.

1.) A horrible scream

2.) A child's cooking hand.

 

For some reason I had to call 911 and get the paramedics down there. After about 30 seconds (I said white male in trouble) the paramedics and firemen come. Eventually they broke the grill to get his hand out. After that, the place smelled horrible. They actually closed it for 2 days to air out the place.

 

As for the kid, well... he learned not to mess with a grill.

 

 

 

Edited By DamnGlitch on 1058147131

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The bad manager and his deep fried hand

 

Yet again another tale at mcdonalds. I (still working grill) was just making some meat when our dickhead manager walked out (i will say this now i'm not saying there name even thought you most likely dont know them so each manager is diffrent). So this adventrue started at about 5 o'clock. When the manager decided we needed more McChickens. Now the deep frier is another automatic machine you hit a button and it goes down and it comes up automatically. Well this manager yelling at a new person on assmbely didnt realize his hand got stuck in the cage for holding the food.Still yelling at the new employee he hits the button for the basket to go down. Now he realizes his hand is stuck. Seconds later everone hears this scream. The manager is now deep fring his hand. With everyone staring at him hes struggling as hand as ha can go tet his hand unstuck but this caused the problem to get worse. He lower the other basket to make it more stuck. Eventally the frie dept was called and the had to drain the grease and get his hand unstuck. Now we have manual deep friers because of our stupid stupid manager.

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The bad protess and U.S. gay-dom

 

While riding the bus over to DamnGlitches house. There was a non war protess group. With two completely bored cops. Realizing the bus stopped i decided to open the window and shout some friendly thigs towards their way. After opening the window i shouted "you guys are fags" at tht point i had the cops laughing. Then seeing this guy wearing an American flag as a cape i then said "Hey you. Yeah you. Your US gay." this cause the guy to become very very sad. puting his head down in shame (i think he was really gay) he simply walked away. Now the cop completely bored one minute and laughing their asses of the next simply got in there car and left. Then the bus started to move and i broke up my second protess

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I want to make a quick note here I will start proff reading so it makes more sense (the spell check just takes to damn long)

 

Showing a protester the light

 

This story goes back about a week after the 9/11 attack. Many many protesters were walking about my neigborhood demanding that we dont retaliate. Being very annoyed by this i went down to speak with their leader. I asked him "Why are you doing this?" he replied with this stupid thing like "If we retaliate we will harm so many inn..." i didnt bother to finish listening to him cause i punched him in the face. Slowly getting back up he asked "What was that for?" Shaking my head i punched him again ... in the face. Letting him get back up once again he gave me this crazy look. (By this time i had the entire group watching me) So for a third time i punched him in the face. Finally when he got back up he punched back and it was a wuss hit i mean Micheal Jackson would probally throw a harder punch. Finally i said "Now thats why we need to retaliate". Suddenly seeing the light the group threw down there signs and went home

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The odd crew at my work

 

Ok Ok so this really isnt a misadventure but still its pretty wierd. At my job theres a bunch of girls who think im cute and they like to madly flirt with me in odd ways. One is a pyromaniac her way of flirting is but throwing lit matches at me. One of which almost burnt my hair off (when i had long hair) Another is a passive flirter you know she flirting with you but not. The third actually talks to me but stummbles along the conversation when we talk alone. it would go sometihng like this "its chilly out do you want my jacket?" Thats something i would say. Then her reply would be something like "I live in a giant bucket" or i would ask "do you want to see a movie?" the she would say "I feel fat and sassy" or somthing along those lines. You get what i mean good. And the final one is actually normal if i could only under stand spanish. the only english words she knows are yes no and sex. So half the thim a converation would be like this "Insert Spanish words here" sex? yes no. Hmmm looks like i have a winner. Well thats all for my misadventures so take care.

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I will also note i like to do the auron thing from ffx (where he has his right arm sling like).

 

I swear, the arm sling thing is Fscking addictive. I did it for a day at school, and I had to force myself not to do it after that (because it's Seph's shtick). People do think somthing is wrong with your arm, even though your just putting your hand through the front of yoiu shit. If you do it yrightr, it does look dead, so meh :P

 

I'm kinda pissed that Seph thought to do it first :P

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Attack of the crack head with a knife (part 2)

 

While I was walkng home (still doing the auron thing) i came across the freindly crackhead again. Now this person had just hit himself up because when he dint realize who i was. So as im walking past the park. Same park as before. So while i was walking down the sidewalk my little crackhead friend comes down to mug me yet again. Remebering this complete idiot i decided to just ignore him and walk away. You know being nice so i dont have to kick his ass yet again. Well he didnt take up this one nice chance. So he says to me "give me your money cripple" Now i will state that i was only doing the auron thing and i had about 5 cents in my right pocket. I reached into my pocket and decided to "give him my money". So i tossed my only nickle at his face stunned at the fact that i tossed domething at him i once again reaveled that my left arm is very much alive. Then once again i procedded to beat his ass.Then while i was walking away he treathend to sick his brother on me. Should i be scared guess not.

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Attack of the crackhead with a knife (part 3)

 

Yes yes the crazed crackhead came back again. But this time not trying to mug me. Yes he was actually trying to mug some lady.. Still doing my auron thing i walked up to this mugging and stopped it. Yes its true i actually did a good deed. So taking the initive to stop this failed mugging of course i steped in. The crackhead still not remebering me told me to step out and let him finish his business which was to steal the money and get more crack. So not listening to him i told the lady to leave. Of course she listened and left. This should have made him angry but he was to doped up to overlook the situation. Then once again i decided to teach him another lesson in kicking his ass.

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The managers at work

 

Once again this isnt exactally not a misadventure but hey you gotta get some background info right? Well theres like 7 managers at my job so here we go. The first one is all out cool the best manager there. he doesnt do anything stupid (like deep fry his hand) and hes just plain good. The second manager was the on that got hit by an egg. Always plays it cool but ready to give an ass whooping whenever its needed. The third is an all out dumbass he deep fries his hand and is just plain annoying. 4) this one is an all out goth. doesnt some to work with all the makeup on but he has his skills in the "dark powers" or so he claims. 5) This one is big black and fat. Always runs off of work with at least 3 bags full of food. 6) The last of the managers somewhat in the middle of the dumbest and the smartest. 7) This guy all out kisses your ass and he a manager. Possibly trying to get on everyones good side. well thats it for the managers so more misadventures to come.

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Attack of the Mexicans

 

While i was walking home not at night but during the afternoon. This car drove past and the driver flipped me off. So being generous i filpped the driver off you know one of those back at ya things. But i shouldnt have done that because the car came to a screeching halt and about 50 mexicans jumped out of the car and the car was a compact car. My first thoughts were jesus fuck how many people can fit in there then my next though was oh shit there gonna fucking jump me. Now i was beginning to get worried because i was surrounded by 50 mexicans. There leader told one of his "homies" to rough me up. Well i never go down with out a fight. So as hes walking up to me cracking his knuckles i just punch him in my face with all i had. Now closing my eyes getting ready to be beaten i looked up at the leader and he had a look of horror on his face. I had knocked out there toughest figther in one hit. The mexicans then started to scramble back into there car screaming some spanish profanities at me. And i actually came out alive.

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proof that auroning will get you into fights

 

Today i after work i wasnt able to auron my arm up because i was washing my hoodie. So after work walking home i was freezing my ass off. So walking past my oh so favorite park where the crackhead normally attacks. So walking past i look over and i found the crackhead just sitting there on a park bench and staring at me. Now i was thinking i got to get ready to kick his ass yet again. But this time because my arm wasnt limb he didnt bother me at all. So in the end i was quite disapointed by not kicking his ass.

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Attack of the grease spitting machine

 

Today was no diffrent from any other day for me at work. So once again im on grill and im sweating my ass off. Talking to one of my ass off. Talking to one of my friends there he steps over and say that Mc chickens need to be made. So obeidently the person drop the mc chicken into the deep fryer. Now one of the emploies likes to come in semi drunk. But today he was completely wasted. I mean he couldnt even walk a straight line much less hold a cup right. Now this just spells disaster. Our drunken employie holding a cup full of water gets bumped by someone and spills all 21 oz of his water into the deep fryer. This caused the grease to get angry or something cause the grease was spitting out of the deep fryer. Screaming like a drunken ape getting a bikini wax grease splatered all over his arms. Rushing over to the burn aid kit. Howevger as told to me by a manager this has been empty for almost a year. So now we have this crazed drunken fool running around trying to ease his grease burns. And he couldnt find anything. So after about 10 min of his screaming he finally decided to quit working there.

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Mein Fuher i can walk

 

Ok so i havent posted any new misadventures lately but today i went out and got a few more adventures again. So for you that love my misadventures i got some more coming.

 

Today me and a friend went downtown for about three hours and made ourselves look like total assholes. I decided this act would probally be the second most dangerous "stunt" that I've ever done. The plan was my friend dressed like Hitler would be sitting at a bus stop for about two minutes. Thats very dangerous. But we got lucky because no jews were around to beat my friends ass senseless. But on to the missadventure.

 

 

I was pushing myself along in a wheelchair hoping my freind wasnt getting in a fight with someone. So just going along most people thought i was crippled and then I came up to my friend still dressed as Hitler sitting waiting at a bus stop with an 5 foot "no mans land around him. Seeing this and glad i took the initiative. Slowly i got up and took two baby steps and shouted "Mein Fuher I can walk" now everybody staring at us i slumbed back in the wheel chair and he slowly pushed me away. Luckly none of us were beaten to death.

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Vampires are real.

 

This is actually a misadventure that me and a friend re did because it makes more sense at night. Ok heres the spill of the misadventure

The place: downtown

The Time: when darkness falls

 

Ok now me and a freind are downtown. Me dressed like a vampire with cape fangs ect. My freind walking into his fathers pub goes into the bathroom. I then follow. Taking some of those fake blood packets he douses himself in fake blood. We then make it sound like a little fight is going on. Then he bursts out of the bathroom drenched in blood screaming "Vampires are really" then he takes off. I soon follow. Running as fast as we could through the streets of downtown. Eventuall running like all fuck through diwn town got many peoples attention and they started to chase me. Now the situation became bad. Still running if I stopped those 10 - 15 macho guy would probally have there way with me by beating me first and asking questions later. So i continued to run but faster and i ran till my legs pumped battery acid. Eventually running faster than my victim the macho guys should have caught on that it was a prank but they still chased me. Running faster than all hell right now for about 15 blocks already. Still running (of course) i eventually lost them. Ducking away in an ally. Whew im safe or so i thought. Catching my breath for a bout a minute the macho guy found my. Thinking if i got into a figth i would be merclessly beaten.Slowly advanceing towards me movie stlye i thought for sur i was dead. Good thing luck was on my side. Apparently my friend seen the macho guys go into the same ally as me and he got the cops. And thankfully i was saved. So yes this was a misadventure gone horribly wrong.

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The bad translator (another ass kicking for me waiting to happen)

 

Ok this one was actually kinda fun. I was with my freind (i will never state thier names) basically all day. I was dressed like a german tourist and my friend was the bad translator. Now my friend does'nt know a damn word of german. Yet i took german for about 9 years. So walking around i would say simple things at the start that i told him like "Gutten tag" which means hello. Then i start saying the complicated thing like "Ich can babys essen" and he would say something like "i hate your clothes" So basically all day we did this. Most people just ignored it after the conversation got vad. However one person decided to stay. This is where it got bad. My friend started saying things like go fuck yourself and you american scum arent any good for this planet. I started to get worried becuase you know you just dint say that at times like this. So the guy gets red facedand starts to threaten us. Saying how us youngsters are a discrace to this country. So he begins to chase us. Running like all fuck. And then the police are alerted. Now the police are on us this is great. So we decided to go back to my house. About halfway back to my house (about a 2 mile cautious walk) The police are right across the street looking for us. We graciously see them and sprint at break neck speed. Once again we ecaped the police . So again I here to post more misadventures for you all.

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Skateboard lugeing (or however the fuck you spell it)

 

Last night me and a copule of friends decided to go skateboard lugeing. Its really easy to do all you need is a skateboard guts and a hill. So for once i decided to be the "medical aid" for my friends. So i completely sat this one out. Now we were one a deserted street with no cars in sight at about 1 in the morning. One the first run dave (not his real name just gotta come up with some so you dont get confused) went down about half way before losing control and running into a car. Bob then decided it was his turn to go. However he didnt make it half way. He couldnt control the board and ran right into a car that was parked. So im sitting here laughing my ass off when a person comes out of thier house and informed us that the police have been called. Taking the initiative we scramble in everyy direction even though it was 3 of us. So im sprinting back home (about 20 blocks) when a lovely officer of the law decideds to try and stop me.So i think im not stopping and i run into the park. the very dark park. So here i am just panting for breath the cop isnt following me and im thinking what happend to my friends. Well the next day i get a call from bob. Apparently dave ran into a bus waiting standand hes was locked up for a day. And that ended my skateboard lugeing trip maybe ill start lugeing next time.

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You know how these misadventures are gonna end, don't you? Eventually, you'll eiter get a baton shoved up your ass or geted clubed into blessed unconsiousness.

 

So, was this after the arcade thing?

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I am a banana

 

This was actually a very good prank i need to say. All it really was, was me in a banana suit saying "I am a banana" to complete stranger. Nothing uber bad about the prank and thankfully nothing went wrong. The main reason im posting this is for you how like the misadventures to have faith in me posting more. Most likely the next misadventure(s) will be some telemarketer conversations I've had.

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